The Officially Original Loch Ness Monster Blog
– by Mikko, probably the world's leading Loch Ness Monster Expert
The new train’s rolling stock has been beset by problems with reports of brake fails, dodgy plumbing and cold or hot rooms with poor showers and uncomfortable beds. Tickets cost up to £400 (approx $450) for a London – Inverness return ticket (you can fly for as little as £15 each way!!!)
All-in-all I think it sounds dreadful. We’ll see what mess happens next.
Everyone has heard of The Hanging Gardens of Babylon but Highland Council is excited to promote a new tourist attract next to its Rose Street Car Park (you’ll have to pay-and-display an exorbitant fee to see them).
It was hoped the local provost would cut a ribbon in front of the press but unfortunately she was unfortunately unavailable for comment. However, a spokesperson for The Silent Majority – a leading and vociferous group within the area – told The Loch Ness Free Press, “this is a major new attraction that rivals anything any other city has to offer. It is also eco-friendly as the vegetation performs a vital role scrubbing CO2 out of the atmosphere”.
Locals often engage in the hilarious “spot the provost in her chain” game in Inverness. The particular councilor sometimes seems to try and get half a dozen photos of herself in various poises in the same edition of the local paper. It is a bit like watching the joker mayor in the film “Carry on Girls”, only in his case the hapless guy in the chain-of-office got photo’d every time his trousers fell down.
Now an anonymous American donor is rumoured to be considering buying a full size copy chain-of-office to give to the self styled first lady of the town so that she can wear it after she loses election (hopefully as soon as possible since Highland Council is a ramshackle shambles) or retires. That way she can continue to wear it pretty much all the time, just like she appears to now.
If you spot Inverness provost in her chain doing the shopping at her local supermarket, don’t laugh. Apparent vanity is a debilitating condition and we hope she gets better soon.
In separate developments a Highland Councilor has quit the shambolic local authority stating it is now just “the mad, the bad, and the sad” . Well done , Inverness Councillor Richard Laird – we couldn’t agree more. Read it all here.
Kim Gordon aka Ken Gordon aka Kim Vincent Avis etc. was once described by Highland Council as a “great ambassador for Inverness”. Now, after being charged in Scotland with 24 counts of alleged rape and sexual assault of women and children plus assault, lewd behaviour and skipping bail he was finally re-captured in the USA by US Marshals – he had apparently faked his own death to avoid justice.
He has now been extradited back to Scotland and was remanded into custody pending new charges by the judge, to whom Avis apparently said apologised for doing a runner!
You can read much more here about the alleged Loch Ness Monster.
US Marshals captured the Inverness busker who skipped bail instead of attending Edinburgh High Court a and fled to the USA, allegedly faked his own death and went on the run as a fugitive.
Kim or Kem is wanted for 24 alleged offenses including rapes, child sex assault, lewd behaviour and other serious matters. He was flown back to Scotland on Friday to face justice. Read more in The Inverness Courier.
In a startling public statement, Loch Ness Researchers have concluded that months of painstaking analysis of water from Loch Ness have yielded absolutely no evidence of un-identified DNA.
“We have been looking for deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) and comparing it against a database of known aquatic life forms in Loch Ness”, Professor Kettle explained to the press.
“Unfortunately we have not been successful but this does not prove that Nessie does not exist.” You can clearly see here in this video from The Nessie On The Net! Loch Ness Live Cams and we will continue the hunt.
Read more in The Sun newspaper and you can continually hunt live for the Loch Ness Monster here.
It hasn’t taken long for councilors, past and present, to throw their voices behind the appalling and disgusting erection they are thrusting up alongside the beautiful and environmentally sensitive River Ness.
Highland Council leader Margaret Davidson welcomed it (unsurprising when you look at her track record of supporting the blot on the landscape at Urquhart Castle , which is so ugly that every advertising photo is carefully angled to exclude any sight of it).
Former councilor Thomas Prag has been involved with various awful so called “art” projects and was another enthusiastic endorser of the Berlin Wall Project. The provost (we wonder if she actually sleeps with her chain of office on, as it appears to be melted onto her skin or fixed with Gorilla Glue) also welcomed her own decision making process. From top to bottom, Highland Council has taken its tax payers to the cleaners, ram raided the common good fund for cash and slashed the budgets of essential care services to build its drunks and druggies den and make Inverness River Mess.
Inverness Councillor Ron MacWilliam has been spearheading The People’s Rebellion against Highland Council’s ludicrous and profligate wastage of public funds (£300,000 so far – and nothing has even been constructed yet!)
Now MacWilliam has reportedly been summoned for a dressing down and told to personally attend to apologise to the Highland Council bosses angry at his defiance of their diktats and refusal to be “muzzled”.
He was on the front page of The Inverness Courier this week and both he and fellow champions against The Wall have used The Freedom of Information Act to successfully crowbar the numbers showing true scale of the waste of public money out of the council (already spent and gone) because it is determined to build Inverness’s very own Cold War Era Berlin Wall alongside the (currently) beautiful River Ness. Photo it now folks, soon it will be a concrete catastrophe.
Many of us believe this is a disgusting waste of money by a local authority that is currently chopping and cutting every budget including elderly and vulnerable persons’ care and even charging 50p for use of toilets. But of course The River Ness Mess is a Vanity Project and nothing pushes big wigs’ buttons like the thought of a “legacy” – in this case a massive erection in the so called city centre, whatever the cost and loss to its citizens and the environment. What a way to literally pour The Common Good Fund into the sea. The councillors and officers behind it owe the people of Inverness and the Highlands an apology and should hang their heads in shame, while also cancelling this River Ness Mess.
We are proudly one hundred percent behind Councilor Ron MacWilliam and the group fighting this disaster. The council’s River Ness Mess is not art, it’s a blot on the landscape that will harm fragile wildlife and the environment and be nothing more than another litter and graffiti strewn cesspit for druggies and winos – and Inverness already has those in spades.
After Environmental Health officials posted official warning about swimming or consuming dangerous toxic water from Loch Watten, fears have spread that Loch Ness may soon be at risk too.
Professor Kettle of The Loch Ness Internet Research Project said, “this type of algal infestation is something we constantly guard against. It’s nasty and it’s dangerous and could pose a serious risk to locals, visitors and Nessie, The Loch Ness Monster”.
The official warning is available online.
Wanted for some 25 alleged charges including multiple rapes and sexual assaults (some of the charges reportedly involve a girl aged between 12 and 16), the former street pedlar from Inverness, Kim Gordon aka Kim Avis aka Kem Avis has reportedly given up his fight against extradition back to Scotland. After initially failing to attend his trial at Edinburgh High Court, the man who some Highland Councilors had branded “the finest ambassador for Inverness” fled to the United States and went on the run as a fugitive. He apparently faked his own death in California and then legged it in a van – but US Marshals acting with Interpol and the Scottish authorities captured him in a cheap motel 1300 miles away in Colorado.
According to reports he may be returned to the UK this week and will apparently be accompanied by US Marshals and probably well cuffed to his seat!
There is more about Inverness’s “finest ambassador” here. It might be thought that the councilors who came up with that title would have the grace to resign.