These were happier times before global catastrophes and woe filled the news everyday. Drumnadrochit was a siple little village with simple pleasures like hunting for Nessie, a pastime enjoyed by many locals and visitors alike.
Of course lengthy monster hunting meant that a state-of-the-art public convenience (WC or toilet) was required and so an award winning brutalist masterpiece was created that rivalled the old supermarket. You can see the attention to detail and the careful maintenance that kept this cherished building flush with success for so long.
Sometimes queues of people formed between the loo and the bus stop as people were eager to try out its comfy environs. But alas, eventually it’s time passed and the thunder box was demolished with a small ceremony but lives on in village folklore. It was a Loch Ness Monster, worthy of the name.
The race is on to try and DNA map newly emerged ancient viral strains from bottom coring at Loch Ness.
“I have been worried that vigorous coring and reaming of the loch’s bottom could provide a route for viral agents that have long since disappeared from earth’s biosphere to resurface”, Professor Kettle told this blog. “If we can’t identify and neutralise these things then Covid 19 Coronavirus might look like a walk in the park”.
Some of the mutations discovered have now been taken to the US Centre for Extreme Toxins, close to the site of the Manhattan Project. Here they will be sealed into a glass and concrete bio containment lad 400 metres beneath the desert. Robot analysers will be used to identify and index the viruses. If a leak occurs, these mutations are considered so dangerous that a small nuclear weapon will detonate, completely destroying the laboratory and its contents. Safety is now the number one priority after Covid and Ebola have wreaked so much havoc.
“We’re taking every precaution as some of the life forms beneath Loch Ness have proved very dangerous”.
Now he is appearing before the High Court in Glasgow and a jury is considering the evidence.
Kim Avis or Kem Vincent (he appears to have many aliases) is a former street busker and peddler who frequented the Inverness High Street. He is alleged to have raped several women and an attempted rape of a 12 year old girl. He is additionally charged with sexually assaulting an 11 year old girl. He initially fled Scotland as a fugitive to the USA where the US Marshalls hunted him down and returned him to jail (on remand) in Glasgow.
Early evidence from one woman at the trial included her description of how he is alleged to have forced her to watch in a mirror as he raped her. The trial continues.
It is the news many locals have been dreading ever since the supermarket moved to new premises – the beautiful 1960s building it used to occupy has been dubbed “an eyesore” and will now be demolished.
A spokesperson for The Silent Majority said, “we’re gutted. This old shop has been a real focal point in the village and attracted architectural students from around the world. We even had an offer to Twin it with some fortified military bunkers in The Lebanon, which share a lot of its style and features. Now it’s going to be pulled down in scenes reminiscent of the old village public toilet that was cruelly demolished without ceremony and is now all but forgotten.”
Many Loch Ness Research projects and expeditions have used the fish and chip shop that was also located in the much loved monstrous carbuncle and all of that history will now be lost as well. Professor Kettle said, “it’s just so sad. This building oozes history and it’s loss will be felt right across the Loch Ness and cryptozoological community. I had hoped that a rich investor would step in and save the building but that now looks unlikely”.
A local chief said, “we have some plans to make a permanent photographic exhibition of the old shop in the new village car park but it’s all in the early stages at the moment and we would have previously sought funding from The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board (HOST) but they’ve got their own problems now”.
There have been rumours that a lottery is to be held with top prize consisting of the right to press the button on the charges used to raze the carbuncle to the ground. “It’s in the cards but there is still a lot of disagreement about if it’s appropriate and who would get the charity money. One idea is to award it to The Bewildered Trust For Confused Marine Animals or to the UN Yeti Relief Fund (UNYRF).
It’s the scourge of The Highlands and blights Loch Ness.
There are even fears that it may have killed Nessie or driven her away.
Known as The Hum, it is a low frequency dull buzzing sound that some people hear or “feel” and it is thought to be generated by electrical generators in wind farms, hydro electric turbines and sub stations.
Clan Chief Lord Lovat complained that he is sometimes unable to sleep due to a ringing in his ears and said, “If people don’t take it seriously the next you know is SSE will be building a station next to your house, it will create a noise and they will get away with it.It’s in the public interest to hold their feet to the fire and everyone is protected by the rules that they are not adhering to.”
A local community councillor said, “If people don’t take it seriously the next you know is SSE will be building a station next to your house, it will create a noise and they will get away with it. It’s in the public interest to hold their feet to the fire and everyone is protected by the rules that they are not adhering to.”
Other locals are worried The Hum may be causing tinnitus.
We are delighted to inform everyone that the Officially Original Loch Ness Monster Nessie Live Cam is back and streaming live. Due to Covid19 we suffered considerable disruption and are thankful for all your messages of support. We have had a limited service for awhile but now repairs have been finished, so please: Enjoy hunting for Nessie and viewing the sheep in the paddock!
A little something to take your mind off the virus.
Like something out of a horror movie, new blue-green algae blooms have been found in and around Loch Ness and warnings issued. Iridescent and beautiful, the blue-green algae is able to produce toxins that are linked to illness, or even death, in humans and animals.
Anyone coming across the blooms of cyanobacteria should flee at once and be extra vigilant.
The killer algae is invading the United States with emergencies being declared in more and more areas.
There is a long piece in the UK’s favourite newspaper, The Sun, about the Nessie, Loch Ness Monster and all the latest information and views. Mikko shares his insight into a decades long research into this cryptozoological phenomenon.
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