Stunning Loch Ness Helicopter Rescue

Locals were stunned today as a large mountain rescue helicopter hovered above a Loch Ness mountain and a member of crew winched down to rescue and unidentified individual.

Loch Ness Mission
Loch Ness Mission

“I was searching the area for evidence that Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, had recently traveled through it”, Loch Ness Research Project Leader Professor Kettle said. “Suddenly this helicopter was very close and we realised something very bad had happened”.

It is unclear what took place but the government has never denied local information that the site is regularly used for secret purposes like the Plague Islands that lie off the Hebrides.

Secret Mission Zone
Secret Mission Zone

From time to time, strange night lights and radio waves are detectable at this Area51 zone by Loch Ness.

There have been many officially logged UFO reports by locals and visitors to Inveness, Drumnadrochit and Foyers.

The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board was unavailable for comment.

Loch Ness Swimmer and Alleged Rapist, Kim Avis (aka Kim Gordon) Extradited Back to Scotland

Inverness Street Busker Fugitive
Inverness Street Busker Fugitive

US Marshals captured the Inverness busker who skipped bail instead of attending Edinburgh High Court a and fled to the USA, allegedly faked his own death and went on the run as a fugitive.

Kim or Kem is wanted for 24 alleged offenses including rapes, child sex assault, lewd behaviour and other serious matters. He was flown back to Scotland on Friday to face justice. Read more in The Inverness Courier.

New DNA Research Finds No Trace of Loch Ness Monster

In a startling public statement, Loch Ness Researchers have concluded that months of painstaking analysis of water from Loch Ness have yielded absolutely no evidence of un-identified DNA.

“We have been looking for deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) and comparing it against a database of known aquatic life forms in Loch Ness”, Professor Kettle explained to the press.

“Unfortunately we have not been successful but this does not prove that Nessie does not exist.” You can clearly see here in this video from The Nessie On The Net! Loch Ness Live Cams and we will continue the hunt.

Word Exclusive – Two Nessies Captured on Our Loch Ness Live Cams!

Read more in The Sun newspaper and you can continually hunt live for the Loch Ness Monster here.

Highland Council Leader Welcomes River Mess Waste of Money

It hasn’t taken long for councilors, past and present, to throw their voices behind the appalling and disgusting erection they are thrusting up alongside the beautiful and environmentally sensitive River Ness.

Highland Council "art"
Highland Council art – only £750,000

Highland Council leader Margaret Davidson welcomed it (unsurprising when you look at her track record of supporting the blot on the landscape at Urquhart Castle , which is so ugly that every advertising photo is carefully angled to exclude any sight of it).

Former councilor Thomas Prag has been involved with various awful so called “art” projects and was another enthusiastic endorser of the Berlin Wall Project. The provost (we wonder if she actually sleeps with her chain of office on, as it appears to be melted onto her skin or fixed with Gorilla Glue) also welcomed her own decision making process. From top to bottom, Highland Council has taken its tax payers to the cleaners, ram raided the common good fund for cash and slashed the budgets of essential care services to build its drunks and druggies den and make Inverness River Mess.

Huge Stooshie At Highland Council Over “Art” Fiasco

Inverness Councillor Ron MacWilliam has been spearheading The People’s Rebellion against Highland Council’s ludicrous and profligate wastage of public funds (£300,000 so far – and nothing has even been constructed yet!)

River Ness - about to be lined with a Berlin Wall
River Ness – about to be lined with a Berlin Wall

Now MacWilliam has reportedly been summoned for a dressing down and told to personally attend to apologise to the Highland Council bosses angry at his defiance of their diktats and refusal to be “muzzled”.

He was on the front page of The Inverness Courier this week and both he and fellow champions against The Wall have used The Freedom of Information Act to successfully crowbar the numbers showing true scale of the waste of public money out of the council (already spent and gone) because it is determined to build Inverness’s very own Cold War Era Berlin Wall alongside the (currently) beautiful River Ness. Photo it now folks, soon it will be a concrete catastrophe.

Many of us believe this is a disgusting waste of money by a local authority that is currently chopping and cutting every budget including elderly and vulnerable persons’ care and even charging 50p for use of toilets. But of course The River Ness Mess is a Vanity Project and nothing pushes big wigs’ buttons like the thought of a “legacy” – in this case a massive erection in the so called city centre, whatever the cost and loss to its citizens and the environment. What a way to literally pour The Common Good Fund into the sea. The councillors and officers behind it owe the people of Inverness and the Highlands an apology and should hang their heads in shame, while also cancelling this River Ness Mess.

Sort out Inverness
Sort out the mess first, Highland Council

We are proudly one hundred percent behind Councilor Ron MacWilliam and the group fighting this disaster. The council’s River Ness Mess is not art, it’s a blot on the landscape that will harm fragile wildlife and the environment and be nothing more than another litter and graffiti strewn cesspit for druggies and winos – and Inverness already has those in spades.

Inverness Street Pedlar Kim Avis Gordon To Be Returned to Edinburgh High Court by US Marshals

Wanted for some 25 alleged charges including multiple rapes and sexual assaults (some of the charges reportedly involve a girl aged between 12 and 16), the former street pedlar from Inverness, Kim Gordon aka Kim Avis aka Kem Avis has reportedly given up his fight against extradition back to Scotland. After initially failing to attend his trial at Edinburgh High Court, the man who some Highland Councilors had branded “the finest ambassador for Inverness” fled to the United States and went on the run as a fugitive. He apparently faked his own death in California and then legged it in a van – but US Marshals acting with Interpol and the Scottish authorities captured him in a cheap motel 1300 miles away in Colorado.

According to reports he may be returned to the UK this week and will apparently be accompanied by US Marshals and probably well cuffed to his seat!

There is more about Inverness’s “finest ambassador” here. It might be thought that the councilors who came up with that title would have the grace to resign.

Calls For Councilors to Resign Over River Ness Mess

As Highland Council struggles to care for its elderly, half a million pounds has been wasted on a pitiful new concrete mess that resembles a section of the old Berlin Wall planned to be sited alongside the beautiful River Ness.

Highland Council "art"
Highland Council art – not built yet and £500,000 already spent

Some members of the public have called on the provost and other councilors to resign as they have been key actors in the secretive cabal of Highland councilors determined to push through their vanity project in the face of public outrage.

One told this blog, “the days of ‘if they don’t have bread let them eat cake’ are long over and we have old people freezing and dying and a broken care system but the figurehead of Highland Council seems to think she in Marie-Antoinette”.

Highland Council had to be FORCED by law to reveal the scale of its profligacy as the local campaign group, OpenNess, which is pledged to fight the provost’s nightmarish mess had to use The Freedom Of Information Act to obtain the figures relating to the secretive and vast wastage of public money.

You can read more about this awful tale of arrogance and indifference to the lives of Highlanders in the Inverness Courier.

Speculation mounts that a government helicopter searched for land based Loch Ness Monster today

Helicopter searches for Loch Ness Monster
Helicopter searches for Loch Ness Monster

Locals were stunned today when the government dispatched a highly sophisticated helicopter to search for Nessie, the ever elusive Loch Ness Monster. Exclusive photographs have been provided to this Blog showing an extensive search after a hill walker reported seeing “something strange but massive lumbering over rocks” on the mountain above Loch Ness.

An un-named spokesman for HM Search & Rescue said “obviously we are aware that Nessie is a Protected Species under the Animal Welfare Act and we have a duty to ensure she is safe and not in danger of capture or injury by nefarious individuals or trophy hunters. Accordingly we dispatched and Air & Sea Search & Rescue helicopter with the latest location technology.”

The spokesman added, “on this occasion we did not locate The Loch Ness Monster but were able to secure the area and make sure the beast was safe. Since the famous Spicer Sighting of 1936 Nessie has often been seen on land and we regularly patrol the area in support of Professor Kettle’s Loch Ness Internet Research Project and other local authorities”.

Boleskine House, Loch Ness , home of “the most evil man in the world” consumed by the fires of hell itself

Boleskine fire

The tiny Highland community surrounding Loch Ness was left reeling today as Boleskine House, former home to Satanist Aleistir Crowley (once dubbed “the most evil man in the world”) burned to the ground. The 18th century Grade B listed mansion was also owned by Led Zeppelin member, Jimmy Page, who bought it for its historical connection to Crowley.

Fire crews from Inverness, Foyers, Beauly and Dingwall spent hours battling flames that seemed to rise from the depths of hell itself to overwhelm and engulf the structure, leaving acrid sulfurous fumes so overpowering that emergency personnel had to wear special breathing apparatus just to get near to the site.

Nice new photo of Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster?

There is a nice new photo in today’s Daily Mail of a possible Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster. Resident expert Professor Kettle isn’t sure though: “It does look very much like a boat wake. The weird standing waves and undersea currents in Loch Ness often cause things that look strange to folk who come across them for the first time.”

However, dedicated monster hunter Mikko, of Nessie on the Net! and the Loch Ness Live Cams said, “it is clearly a creature swimming just below the surface of the loch. I’ve seen this time and again and it adds to the irrefutable proof that a cryptid (unidentified cryptozoological beast) is living in Loch Ness.”

Tell us what you think of the photos, you can see them in today’s Daily Mail newspaper.