While the reality of life in Inverness is a shattered town with shops, cafes and restaurants all boarded up, the Highland Council is saying it could spend £zillions it hasn’t got building unicorn bridges, railway stations and transport hubs.
Walking into central Inverness in the Scottish Highlands near Loch Ness during what should be a busy lunchtime on a weekday. Coronavirus has turned the Capital of The Highlands of Scotland into a scene resembling a dystopian post apocalyptic nightmare.
In scenes from an apocalyptic movie, Scotland’s Capital of the Highlands, Inverness, is now a ghost city. Hardly any people are to be seen. Shops are boarded up and if a man was pulling a cart up the High Street yelling “bring out your dead” was working, it would be like the Great Plague of the 17th century.
Restaurants, takeaways, pubs, theatres, social venues, public gardens – just about everything is closed and tourists, visitors and locals are being told to stay away and stay at home.
“It’s a disaster for the Loch Ness Research Project for Internet Anomalies“, Professor Kettle told this paper. “We are doing what we can from self-isolation on our carbon fibre floating hub on Loch Ness but we have been told we must stay anchored well away from the land and have supplies sent to us by boat with social distancing maintained at all times. Obviously, if Nessie became infected then this pandemic could become much worse as the interaction of a novel virus with a Jurassic creature could cause unknown mutations”.
Locals are beginning to fear that novel coronavirus (COVID19) may have infected Nessie and possibly killed the creature(s). No credible sightings of the monster have been made since the lock-down of Scotland began a month ago.
“We know that the Loch Ness Monster is a prehistoric creature and therefore shares DNA with modern birds and animals. In fact, birds are descendants of the dinosaurs and that is why recent outbreaks of Avian Flu have also placed the cryptid at risk”, Professor Kettle – leader of the Loch Ness Investigative Research Project said.
The government has passed laws preventing tourists from visiting the Highlands of Scotland until further notice and all non-essential businesses are closed. All we can do is hope that Nessie is safe and will be seen again soon.
Our heath service and shops are already at BREAKING POINT and your visit may result in your own death or somebody else’s as supplies and facilities run out. You will be welcome again in the future but please be responsible and do not come now.
Our appeal is being bolstered by many responsible businesses already closing to visitors (including B&Bs and hostels). But where we see hotels etc. continue to open to tourists against the advice of government (who have requested “social distancing at ALL times of at least 2 metres”) we ask you to complain about them and ask your booking agent or website to cancel their accounts and to email firstname.lastname@example.org to complain to them and campaign for them to publish prominent advice to visitors to STAY AWAY.
We are pleased that other Tourist Agencies including North Coast 500 and Routes To The Isles are already taking action to try and persuade tourists and visitors to DO THE DECENT THING and STAY AWAY.
Yes, it may be the 2019 but Highland Council has decided to buck the trend towards modernity and build a hideous new transit road by levelling ancient oak woods and huge swathes of countryside to install a “swing bridge” on a major arterial road.
Not only does Inverness suffer from appalling infrastructure including pothole cratered roads and a single track Victorian railway to the south, its Internet and mobile coverage is so bad in many places that it registers on a scale well below many parts of the 3rd world.
“It’s all just superb” as the lavish freebies and expenses crazed city “leaders” would say, but judge for yourself: It’s a sad sad joke and terrible damage to wildlife and habitat just compounds the folly.
Read more here and the picture gives a view of a small part of the carnage.
Everyone has heard of The Hanging Gardens of Babylon but Highland Council is excited to promote a new tourist attract next to its Rose Street Car Park (you’ll have to pay-and-display an exorbitant fee to see them).
It was hoped the local provost would cut a ribbon in front of the press but unfortunately she was unfortunately unavailable for comment. However, a spokesperson for The Silent Majority – a leading and vociferous group within the area – told The Loch Ness Free Press, “this is a major new attraction that rivals anything any other city has to offer. It is also eco-friendly as the vegetation performs a vital role scrubbing CO2 out of the atmosphere”.
Locals were stunned today as a large mountain rescue helicopter hovered above a Loch Ness mountain and a member of crew winched down to rescue and unidentified individual.
“I was searching the area for evidence that Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, had recently traveled through it”, Loch Ness Research Project Leader Professor Kettle said. “Suddenly this helicopter was very close and we realised something very bad had happened”.
It is unclear what took place but the government has never denied local information that the site is regularly used for secret purposes like the Plague Islands that lie off the Hebrides.
From time to time, strange night lights and radio waves are detectable at this Area51 zone by Loch Ness.
There have been many officially logged UFO reports by locals and visitors to Inveness, Drumnadrochit and Foyers.
The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board was unavailable for comment.
US Marshals captured the Inverness busker who skipped bail instead of attending Edinburgh High Court a and fled to the USA, allegedly faked his own death and went on the run as a fugitive.
Kim or Kem is wanted for 24 alleged offenses including rapes, child sex assault, lewd behaviour and other serious matters. He was flown back to Scotland on Friday to face justice. Read more in The Inverness Courier.
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