Mega Hotel Blot To Destroy City Centre Parking

Locals love Rose Street car park. It has a beautiful entrance slope up to an elevated parking platform with sweeping views of Homebargains, Iceland and the toy superstore plus of course the unique and award winning Hanging Gardens of Inverness. The lower level provides shelter for winos and druggies with quick easy access to the bus station and local pubs.

Now all this will be destroyed by a new tower block hotel. The residents of the hotel will have the views to themselves and normal folk will just have to find a space miles from the High Street or squeeze into the multi-storey, which is already full at peak periods.

We salute Highland Council and its inspired planning department for wrecking another part of the so-called city.

Blot On The Landscape As Countryside Levelled For Inverness Westway

Yes, it may be the 2019 but Highland Council has decided to buck the trend towards modernity and build a hideous new transit road by levelling ancient oak woods and huge swathes of countryside to install a “swing bridge” on a major arterial road.

A82 Inverness West Link By Pass
A82 Inverness West Link By Pass

Not only does Inverness suffer from appalling infrastructure including pothole cratered roads and a single track Victorian railway to the south, its Internet and mobile coverage is so bad in many places that it registers on a scale well below many parts of the 3rd world.

“It’s all just superb” as the lavish freebies and expenses crazed city “leaders” would say, but judge for yourself: It’s a sad sad joke and terrible damage to wildlife and habitat just compounds the folly.

Read more here and the picture gives a view of a small part of the carnage.

The Hanging Gardens of Inverness

The Hanging Gardens of Inverness
The Hanging Gardens of Inverness

Everyone has heard of The Hanging Gardens of Babylon but Highland Council is excited to promote a new tourist attract next to its Rose Street Car Park (you’ll have to pay-and-display an exorbitant fee to see them).

Parking for Hanging Gardens Inverness
Parking for Hanging Gardens Inverness

It was hoped the local provost would cut a ribbon in front of the press but unfortunately she was unfortunately unavailable for comment. However, a spokesperson for The Silent Majority – a leading and vociferous group within the area – told The Loch Ness Free Press, “this is a major new attraction that rivals anything any other city has to offer. It is also eco-friendly as the vegetation performs a vital role scrubbing CO2 out of the atmosphere”.

Ebola Loch Ness?

We’re no sure what is happening around Loch Ness but there have been a number of people in bio hazard suits seen taking samples around the area. When approached these people mumble “national security” and refuse to answer any questions. It is known that a lot of visitors have been using surrounding woodlands as toilet areas, particularly since Highland Council introduced a 50p charge for village toilets in Drumnadrochit.

Bio hazard
Bio Loch Ness Hazard

The catastrophe follows a period a few years ago in which thousands of tourists and others were seen throwing dead chickens into the loch. There was widespread concern at the time that Avian Flue could kill Nessie as dinosaurs are known to be the ancestors of today’s birds.

Fortunately the chicken craze has dwindled but now something more deadly may be in the water or surrounding areas. We have managed to gain some insight since an anonymous whistle blower contacted Professor Kettle of The Loch Ness Research Project. He said, “we have found a virus and are evaluating its danger to the public. It is believed to have accidentally been released from a research laboratory and travelled to the Loch Ness area on board a Caledonian Canal barge carrying a scientist on holiday”.

“I can’t say more at the moment as this very worrying and matters are progressing fast. People do need to wash their hands regularly”.

Nobody from the Local Contingencies Commission was available for comment at time of going to press.

Will Inverness Provost Get Her Own Chain to Wear When She Leaves Office? Also, it’s official: Highland Council is “mad, bad and sad”.

Locals often engage in the hilarious “spot the provost in her chain” game in Inverness. The particular councilor sometimes seems to try and get half a dozen photos of herself in various poises in the same edition of the local paper. It is a bit like watching the joker mayor in the film “Carry on Girls”, only in his case the hapless guy in the chain-of-office got photo’d every time his trousers fell down.

Pothole
Provost Chain of Office Trumps The Potholes

Now an anonymous American donor is rumoured to be considering buying a full size copy chain-of-office to give to the self styled first lady of the town so that she can wear it after she loses election (hopefully as soon as possible since Highland Council is a ramshackle shambles) or retires. That way she can continue to wear it pretty much all the time, just like she appears to now.

If you spot Inverness provost in her chain doing the shopping at her local supermarket, don’t laugh. Apparent vanity is a debilitating condition and we hope she gets better soon.

In separate developments a Highland Councilor has quit the shambolic local authority stating it is now just “the mad, the bad, and the sad” . Well done , Inverness Councillor Richard Laird – we couldn’t agree more. Read it all here.

New DNA Research Finds No Trace of Loch Ness Monster

In a startling public statement, Loch Ness Researchers have concluded that months of painstaking analysis of water from Loch Ness have yielded absolutely no evidence of un-identified DNA.

“We have been looking for deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) and comparing it against a database of known aquatic life forms in Loch Ness”, Professor Kettle explained to the press.

“Unfortunately we have not been successful but this does not prove that Nessie does not exist.” You can clearly see here in this video from The Nessie On The Net! Loch Ness Live Cams and we will continue the hunt.

Word Exclusive – Two Nessies Captured on Our Loch Ness Live Cams!

Read more in The Sun newspaper and you can continually hunt live for the Loch Ness Monster here.

Highland Council Admits It Can’t Cope With Wet Weather

Highland floods
Council Flood Mess

In an astounding confession Highland Council has admitted that it can’t cope with a bit of rain and homes and businesses will just have to flood. The kitty has been spent on consultations for a Soviet Era Berlin Wall to wreck the beautiful River Ness. The idea is to concrete the popular natural riverside to provide a space for drunks, druggies and graffiti vandals to make a mess. Naturally there is no money left for flood prevention, elderly care, disabled care or anything else that is really important.

The council leaders have told the populace “if you don’t have bread then eat cake” while they treat themselves to lavish canapes and wines in buffet lunches and parties – all at the expense of the local tax payer.

Highland’s Chief Mandarin Says Waste of Money Must Go Ahead

Unelected and therefore unaccountable in any meaningful way to the cash strapped residents of the Highlands, it’s head mandarin , Highland council Chief Executive, Donna Manson says the £100,000s of public money wasted on The River Ness Mess is well spent and the calamity must proceed.

Highland Council "art"
Highland Council art – only £400,000 and counting

Once a beautiful part of Inverness (perhaps the best part), this crackpot scheme apparently dreamed up by a few councilors in the privacy of the council chamber will see a huge concrete wall resembling the Cold War Berlin Wall built alongside the water’s edge.

Meantime, elderly and frail people in the Highlands freeze, starve and suffer from a crippled care service but the bosses at Highland Council are hell bent on their vanity project that will leave a massive ugly erection in the heart of the so called city for decades to come.

Dangerous Toxic Algal Bloom Fears For Loch Ness

After Environmental Health officials posted official warning about swimming or consuming dangerous toxic water from Loch Watten, fears have spread that Loch Ness may soon be at risk too.

Algal
Toxic Algal Infestation

Professor Kettle of The Loch Ness Internet Research Project said, “this type of algal infestation is something we constantly guard against. It’s nasty and it’s dangerous and could pose a serious risk to locals, visitors and Nessie, The Loch Ness Monster”.

The official warning is available online.

Speculation mounts that a government helicopter searched for land based Loch Ness Monster today

Helicopter searches for Loch Ness Monster
Helicopter searches for Loch Ness Monster

Locals were stunned today when the government dispatched a highly sophisticated helicopter to search for Nessie, the ever elusive Loch Ness Monster. Exclusive photographs have been provided to this Blog showing an extensive search after a hill walker reported seeing “something strange but massive lumbering over rocks” on the mountain above Loch Ness.

An un-named spokesman for HM Search & Rescue said “obviously we are aware that Nessie is a Protected Species under the Animal Welfare Act and we have a duty to ensure she is safe and not in danger of capture or injury by nefarious individuals or trophy hunters. Accordingly we dispatched and Air & Sea Search & Rescue helicopter with the latest location technology.”

The spokesman added, “on this occasion we did not locate The Loch Ness Monster but were able to secure the area and make sure the beast was safe. Since the famous Spicer Sighting of 1936 Nessie has often been seen on land and we regularly patrol the area in support of Professor Kettle’s Loch Ness Internet Research Project and other local authorities”.