Nessie the Loch Ness Monster needs a hat and a scarf

We can expect a few sightings of Nessie the Loch Ness Monster wearing a hat and scarf now because the big freeze has finally arrived. Temperatures at our Loch Ness project headquarters plummeted to -8.3 Celsius last night and the freeze looks set to continue. There is some hope being expressed amongst experts and water bailiffs around Loch Ness that the cold snap will deter monster hunters from throwing chickens into the loch and this in turn may keep the H5N1 influenza virus from reaching the old plesiosaur.

Professor Plume denies CIA links with Loch Ness Monster

Jury Five-Count Indictment on CIA Leaks about Valerie Plume. “I can categorically deny that I have links with Ms. Plume and have never discussed covert operations at Loch Ness or any of my secret research into alien manifestations here with anybody from the CIA”. 

Professor Plume is very keen to draw a swift line under the allegations and to move on because it is distracting his official team from vital research into the nature and habitat of the world’s oldest plesiosaur. He confirmed, “I will not be resigning as project leader at Loch Ness”.

Kanasi Huguai – Nessie has an oriental cousin, China’s Loch Ness Monster

Just when we all thought there was only one old plesiosaur left in the world, news has arrived of Nessie’s relative in China. Kanasi Huguai lives in Lake Kanasi. This beautiful and remote lake is 200,000 years old, about 15 miles long and a mile wide. It is over 4,000 feet up in the Kanasi nature reserve in Xinjiang’s northernmost tip, where China, Mongolia, Russia and Kazakhstan come together in snow peaked mountains. The lake is about 150 feet less deep than Loch Ness.

Leading Loch Ness project leader Professor Plume has said that he is “very excited” by the news and will be speaking to Chinese academics and colleagues about the monster very soon. It is understood that an official request for his help and expertise may be made. The professor, a world-leading volcanologist and cryptozoologist, is particularly keen to discover the processes that have allowed plesiosaurs to reach a high mountain lake, where tunnels linking it to the sea (such as those that exist at Loch Ness) seem impossible.

Infected bird flu man arrives on French soil. We are all going to die!

Virus Protection

This website is calling upon the Loch Ness coastguard to enforce a ban on throwing chickens into Loch Ness and to take action to prevent “egg-baiting”, a common activity amongst visiting monster hunters. An egg-baiter is a device constructed from wood, fishing line and lead shot. Several raw eggs in which small holes have been drilled are attached and the whole rig moored just off shore in the loch. The eggs float just below the service and slowly release their contents into the water, attracting the plesiosaur and eel populations. 

Normally egg baiting presents no danger to Loch Ness or Nessie, her monster (although the lead shot has caused some concerns in the past) but the EU has just warned that raw eggs and chicken may pass on fatal avian H5N1 flu to humans and it is already known that dinosaurs are closely related to their avian cousins (see below).

These are very worrying times at Loch Ness and so far the authorities appear to have behaved appallingly slowly.

Bird Flu Arrives in Britain – everyone will die!

Saturday and they’ve just told us that an infected parrot has brought bird flu to the UK. Nessie the Loch Ness Monster is in big trouble now because dinosaurs are the ancestors of birds and therefore it won’t take much to infect her.

Steps have been taken to stop people throwing chickens into Loch Ness (a very common pastime enjoyed by many visitors to the area as they try to get Nessie to grab the bait) but wild birds are a much bigger problem.

We can only hope that the virus doesn’t spread this far north…

$1million bounty for Nessie the Loch Ness monster is withdrawn!!!

I’m delighted to see that the bounty has now been withdrawn by the company that put up the money and the specific concerns I had about The Protection of Animals (Scotland) Act of 1912 and The Veterinary Surgeons Act 1966 have been taken into account.

It is important to keep protecting Nessie from the Desperate Dan Taylors (with harpoon equipped homespun submarines), the DNA seeking Nessie trappers (like Jan Sundberg) and anybody else in this world who may think a wild animal is just something to have a go at for fame and fortune.

Confusion abounds over $1million “bounty” for Nessie

We read in the papers that there is a $1million bounty out for the capture of Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster but despite pointing out the possible illegality of capturing Nessie, we have heard nothing from the promoters of this poorly thought-out scheme. Well, action has to be taken to protect the poor beast so we are writing to the Northern Constabulary seek assurances that Nessie will be given the full protection accorded to her under the law. Money tends to bring out the worst in people and we already have the prospect of an avian flu infection reaching Loch Ness, as people continue to ignore the warning to stop throwing chickens into the water.

We well remember the spectacle of the late “Desperate Dan Taylor” who seemed hell-bent on coming here in a home-spun submarine fitted with a harpoon gun to attack Nessie. Thankfully he was put off coming when some of us here started pointing out that we would use every environmental protection law and some to keep his tub out of our waters. But a million bucks is a lot of cash – so who knows what new horror will set its sights on poor Nessie’s hide.

$1 million for a good photo of Nessie!

boston.com news reports that a company is offering $1million for a photo of Nessie, Big Foot or the Abominable Snow Man that leads to its capture. However, the plans could come a cropper as Nessie is officially protected by UK and Scottish Law, specifically The Protection of Animals (Scotland) Act of 1912 and The Veternary Surgeons Act 1966. 

Indeed, when the infamous Jan Sundberg came to capture Nessie to extract a DNA sample in 2000 Inspector John Grierson, animals officer with Northern Constabulary warned that action could be taken against anyone harming, or failing to protect any animal. He has been reported in the local Press & Journal newspaper saying, “If there is a monster and it is netted
then it would be protected against any cruel activity. It could be argued that to place a wild animal in a net when it could become frantic and thresh about could be considered cruel…” (more info at http://www.lochness.co.uk/nessie2000/netwarning.html )

Well, we’ll see what happens but I hope all this doesn’t land the company in hot water or encourage any nutters to come up here and cause havoc in their quest to grab the million bucks…

Nessie faces mortal threat from Avian Flu

Flu Threat

The Curator of Paleontology, American Museum of Natural History says, “[birds are] a branch of dinosaurs, so conveniently enough dinosaurs didn’t go completely extinct. One group, the birds, survived.”

Professor Kettle speaking from his Loch Ness project offices said, “…we really know nothing about Nessie’s biology and I can’t see what we can do to help her.”

This is scary folks. The experts admit that the new flu could wipe out the Loch Ness Monster and maybe there is nothing we can do about it. Read more here.

Nessie faces mortal threat from Avian Flu

No raw chicken

The Curator of Paleontology, American Museum of Natural History says, “[birds are] a branch of dinosaurs, so conveniently enough dinosaurs didn’t go completely extinct. One group, the birds, survived.”

Professor Kettle speaking from his Loch Ness project offices said, “…we really know nothing about Nessie’s biology and I can’t see what we can do to help her.”

This is scary folks. The experts admit that the new flu could wipe out the Loch Ness Monster and maybe there is nothing we can do about it. Read more here.