It is the news many locals have been dreading ever since the supermarket moved to new premises – the beautiful 1960s building it used to occupy has been dubbed “an eyesore” and will now be demolished.
A spokesperson for The Silent Majority said, “we’re gutted. This old shop has been a real focal point in the village and attracted architectural students from around the world. We even had an offer to Twin it with some fortified military bunkers in The Lebanon, which share a lot of its style and features. Now it’s going to be pulled down in scenes reminiscent of the old village public toilet that was cruelly demolished without ceremony and is now all but forgotten.”
Many Loch Ness Research projects and expeditions have used the fish and chip shop that was also located in the much loved monstrous carbuncle and all of that history will now be lost as well. Professor Kettle said, “it’s just so sad. This building oozes history and it’s loss will be felt right across the Loch Ness and cryptozoological community. I had hoped that a rich investor would step in and save the building but that now looks unlikely”.
A local chief said, “we have some plans to make a permanent photographic exhibition of the old shop in the new village car park but it’s all in the early stages at the moment and we would have previously sought funding from The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board (HOST) but they’ve got their own problems now”.
There have been rumours that a lottery is to be held with top prize consisting of the right to press the button on the charges used to raze the carbuncle to the ground. “It’s in the cards but there is still a lot of disagreement about if it’s appropriate and who would get the charity money. One idea is to award it to The Bewildered Trust For Confused Marine Animals or to the UN Yeti Relief Fund (UNYRF).
It’s the scourge of The Highlands and blights Loch Ness.
There are even fears that it may have killed Nessie or driven her away.
Known as The Hum, it is a low frequency dull buzzing sound that some people hear or “feel” and it is thought to be generated by electrical generators in wind farms, hydro electric turbines and sub stations.
Clan Chief Lord Lovat complained that he is sometimes unable to sleep due to a ringing in his ears and said, “If people don’t take it seriously the next you know is SSE will be building a station next to your house, it will create a noise and they will get away with it.It’s in the public interest to hold their feet to the fire and everyone is protected by the rules that they are not adhering to.”
A local community councillor said, “If people don’t take it seriously the next you know is SSE will be building a station next to your house, it will create a noise and they will get away with it. It’s in the public interest to hold their feet to the fire and everyone is protected by the rules that they are not adhering to.”
Other locals are worried The Hum may be causing tinnitus.
The Scottish government has ordered all of mainland Scotland back into full lockdown and the borders are closed. No one is permitted to be out of their homes for anything but a few reasons including buying groceries and essential medical appointments.
Obviously this leads to a quiet time for the Loch Ness Monster. She had been keeping a lower profile lately and will definitely not want to place herself at risk of catching any flu type virus.
Leader of The Loch Ness Research Project, Professor Kettle, spoke of his concerns: “I have been looking for cryptid in this loch for fifty years and this is probably the scariest set of circumstances the area has ever faced. People must keep away from the water and protect our monster from infection”.
The Scottish Environmental Protection Agency was unavailable for comment at time of publication.
We are delighted to inform everyone that the Officially Original Loch Ness Monster Nessie Live Cam is back and streaming live. Due to Covid19 we suffered considerable disruption and are thankful for all your messages of support. We have had a limited service for awhile but now repairs have been finished, so please: Enjoy hunting for Nessie and viewing the sheep in the paddock!
A little something to take your mind off the virus.
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