Outraged tourists were dumped at Preston and told no buses were available to take them on to London at 5.20am. They were allso told to shell out for new train tickets in the latest mess to embroil the new Caledonian Sleeper service. Last week a runaway service ploughed through Edinburgh Waverly station as its brakes failed and was only brought to an eventual halt with the emergency brake.
To add to the woe carriages have been plagues with problems and no food was served on a service last month. Now staff have said “management has lost the plot” and voted overwhelmingly to strike.
An Inverness street pedlar known locally as Kim Gordon aka Kim Avis aka Kem Aivs Gordon etc. was due in the High Court in Edinburgh earlier this year but fled the country instead and faked his own death in California. He swam Loch Ness (allegedly for charity) and was often seen selling knick knacks outside Marks & Spencer in the High Street. Some at Highland Council (unavailable for comment at time of going to press) called him a “fine ambassador for the city”.
How things change: Now US Marshals working with Interpol, the Scottish authorities and the US police were able to locate and arrest him at a cheap motel in Colorado – over a thousand miles from where he disappeared. He was allegedly trying to d a runner to Mexico.
Kim Gordon is now due to appear in Denver Courthouse on 12th August to face extradition back to Scotland where the rap sheet has some 24 charges including alleged rapes and sexual assault, at least one involving a child. Other charges include breach of the peace.
It’s been going on for days now and shows no immediate sign of abating: Loch Ness, The Great Glen Way and the wider Highlands are being decimated by terrifying thunderstorms and floods with wide spread power loss, train and bus cancellations and chaos.
Fortunately, academics at at The Loch Ness Research and Investigation Project have been closely monitoring the situation.
They use a myriad of specialist data collection methods based around cutting edge weather instrumentation and you can monitor real time data from one of their centres here.
In an astonishing attack on culture in Inverness, plans have been submitted for an enormous and monstrous hotel to replace the city’s only real music venue.
Plans have apparently already been pushed through by some, including the chain-of-office loving provost [figurehead], to build a hideous concrete wall costing £100,000s alongside the formally beautiful River Ness (she effectively says “it’s art and I want it so we’re having it”). The council’s also splurging out on “people’s pillars” – small gallows-like metallic towers that have steps to a raised platform just perfect for rubber neckers to stare into the water, druggies to shoot up on crystal meth or to tragically throw themselves into the rapid and freezing currents hurtling towards the north sea; As if attempted and successful suicide jumpers at Kessock Bridge weren’t already a bad enough problem.
“Emergency brake used to halt ‘runaway’ Caledonian Sleeper train after it overshoots station”
The popular sleeper train from London carrying 120 passengers had to be brought to a halt with an emergency brake after being unable to stop at Edinburgh Waverley Station on 1st August. Read the full horrifying story here.
Tourists have fled in absolute terror when confronted by the huge snakes seen this year in areas surrounding Loch Ness.
“At first I thought it’s impossible” Stephen Rickman told The Loch Ness Free press. “I’ve read about huge man eating snakes in the Amazon and the horrors that lurk deep within the forests but nothing prepared us for this as we walked the Great Glen Way.”
Professor Kettle of the The Ness Research Project is currently documenting the rise of the serpents and attributes it to climate change. “Newspapers are already reporting this year for the second highest ever number of reported sightings of Nessie and Killer Wasps are now building huge hives around the glen. This is important science and we are keeping a close watching brief”.
A huge number of wasp nests have been found all around Loch Ness as temperatures have soared to record breaking levels. The wasps are larger than average and very aggressive so people have been warned to keep their distance.
Speaking to The Loch Ness Free Press, Milot Stamervich on holiday from Bulgaria said, “we were walking down by the Loch Ness looking for Nessie and suddenly saw a large black object about ten or twenty metres out over the water. I was reaching for my phone to video it for the newspapers but then my wife screamed, “it’s buzzing towards us. Oh my God, it’s wasps”. So we just started running away”.
The area’s leading academic expert, Professor Kettle, says “people need to be careful. If you see a nest or some wasps in a group then get out of the area quickly and safely. We don’t want to see anybody injured by this nightmare and can only hope that winter weather will destroy the threat.”
Rising water temperatures in Loch Ness have already led to the discovery of Deadly Dinoflagellates with swimmers warned to take special care, so this new discovery proves that the famous loch has more than one monster lurking and stalking its waters.
The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board was unavailable for comment.
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