Pogonophobiacs Warned to Steer Clear of Loch Ness

 

Loch Ness Monster hunter kit
Loch Ness Monster(Nessie) pseudo academic’s kit.

The BBC’s Jeremy Paxman has identified¬†pogonophobia as a cause for concern and Loch Ness is reeling as the area is well known to be full of sad and vain bearded old men.

Clean shaven Professor Kettle spoke to us from his Loch Ness project HQ and warned visitors who suffer from¬†pogonophobia (the fear of beards) to keep away or risk feeling queasy. “We seem to buck the UK trend when it comes to facial hair. Fortunately the women generally steer clear of beards around the loch but many monster specimens of the male denomination do exist. Some extreme examples are quite wild and unwieldy and could put an unwary tourist right off their tea. Our research reinforces the view that Neanderthal Man lived in peat bogs around Loch Ness and possibly still does.”

Dr. Pott added, “Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, is thought to be beardless and it’s heartening that the next generation have pretty much put beards to one side in favour of more sensible things like getting themselves an education. Cryptozoologists get a bad press, often because they aren’t formally qualified and cryptozoology deserves better”.

Loch Ness Monster Sized Shambles

A Nessie the Loch Ness Monster sized mess!

Well, it had to happen. The Olympics has become nothing but a sad farce with British “jobsworth” Advertising and Standards police apparently stripping down Pepsi Cola posters in favour of Coca Cola, a main sponsor, and threatening the law against little old ladies daring to knit childrens’ teddy bears sporting the Olympic ring logo.

Now hapless security firm G4S Рapparently run by Mr Bean Рhas come a cropper over its own ridiculous corporate anthem. You can read the lyrics and then watch the Youtube video (underneath the lyrics) here. The British Army has had to take over security at the last moment Рalong with the police Рand even they have been told they must smile at all times and put their lunchtime potato snack crisps into a plain plastic bag (for sponsorship reasons).

The Olympics – you simply couldn’t make it up! One unholy Loch Ness Monster sized expensive horrendous omni shambles! Nessie must think it is terrible!