monster - The Officially Original Loch Ness Monster Blog

Loch Ness clue to exciting new lifeforms discovered in humans

Incredible groundbreaking research into tiny obelisk shaped objects inside the human mouth and gut may have been given a crucial boost by Professor Kettle’s Loch Ness research project.

Loch Ness Biofoul — Human Obelisk Cells in Loch Ness

“We have been investigating prehistoric life forms and monsters in Loch Ness for decades, including the once unknown sulphur vent bottom feeders that live in Edwards Caves far beneath the waves.”

“When I read about this fascinating discovery of very ancient obelisk cells in all of us, it suddenly dawned on me that our loch is a scientific link to the origins of life. We are starting a new quest to track down equivalent cells in our water samples and will produce a detailed report as soon as possible”

Details of the human obelisks can be found here.

Loch Ness Monster supports campaign to save alpaca Geronimo’s life

It’s incredibly cruel: The UK government is seeking to murder Geronimo a lovable alpaca and its owner has fought and sadly lost a £50,000 ($80,000) legal action. You can help by watching the live vigil aimed at deterring officials from arriving with their bolt gun.

News: It is with great sadness that we report that the government murdered Geronimo on 31st August 2021. RIP Geronimo.

Sign the Petition To Save Geronimo’s Life (now closed).

APPEAL: PLEASE DO NOT VISIT LOCH NESS OR THE HIGHLANDS AND ISLANDS DURING CORONAVIRUS COVID19.

Our heath service and shops are already at BREAKING POINT and your visit may result in your own death or somebody else’s as supplies and facilities run out. You will be welcome again in the future but please be responsible and do not come now.

Our appeal is being bolstered by many responsible businesses already closing to visitors (including B&Bs and hostels). But where we see hotels etc. continue to open to tourists against the advice of government (who have requested “social distancing at ALL times of at least 2 metres”) we ask you to complain about them and ask your booking agent or website to cancel their accounts and to email info@visitscotland.com to complain to them and campaign for them to publish prominent advice to visitors to STAY AWAY.

We are pleased that other Tourist Agencies including North Coast 500 and Routes To The Isles are already taking action to try and persuade tourists and visitors to DO THE DECENT THING and STAY AWAY.

Black Isle Beauty Spot “begs” tourists to stay away.

Thank You.

Loch Ness Coronavirus Covid-19 Horror

Inverness by Loch Ness starts Coronavirus Testing in Emergency Army Style Horror

Locals and visitors to the areas have been very concerned as “Drive-Thru” Bio-Hazard tents have been erected to test people for the deadly coronavirus COVID-19. Medical staff at Raigmore hospital attend the plague containment units wearing special suits and breathing apparatus.

A spokesperson for the silent majority said, “we have the Loch Ness Monster – protected in law by the government – so we cannot risk the virus doing more damage. Already people have been panic buying in supermarkets and no hand sanitizer is available, with pasta and toilet paper among other items now is short supply”.

Anyone arriving in The Highlands could be dealt with by ever stricter quarantine policies and Invergordon has already announced a potential sinking of cruise ferry arrivals. Empty hotels and restaurants are reeling.

Inverness Street Peddler faces trial for multiple alleged rapes including child victims.

Kim Gordon (aka Kim Avis aka Kem) is accused of raping three women and attempting to rape one of them when she was 12.

The 55-year-old is also accused of sexually assaulting a girl when she was 11 and faces breach of the peace and threatening and abusive behaviour charges.

The allegations cover a period between January 1997 and March this year and mainly relate to alleged incidents in the Inverness area.

The trial will commence in Edinburgh High Court on 20 March 2020.

Loch Ness Monster has completed Brexit

After three years of waiting, the uncertainty for Nessie is finally over. Scotland left the EU on 31 January 2020.

Blot On The Landscape As Countryside Levelled For Inverness Westway

Yes, it may be the 2019 but Highland Council has decided to buck the trend towards modernity and build a hideous new transit road by levelling ancient oak woods and huge swathes of countryside to install a “swing bridge” on a major arterial road.

Not only does Inverness suffer from appalling infrastructure including pothole cratered roads and a single track Victorian railway to the south, its Internet and mobile coverage is so bad in many places that it registers on a scale well below many parts of the 3rd world.

“It’s all just superb” as the lavish freebies and expenses crazed city “leaders” would say, but judge for yourself: It’s a sad sad joke and terrible damage to wildlife and habitat just compounds the folly.

Read more here and the picture gives a view of a small part of the carnage.

Ebola Loch Ness?

We’re no sure what is happening around Loch Ness but there have been a number of people in bio hazard suits seen taking samples around the area. When approached these people mumble “national security” and refuse to answer any questions. It is known that a lot of visitors have been using surrounding woodlands as toilet areas, particularly since Highland Council introduced a 50p charge for village toilets in Drumnadrochit.

The catastrophe follows a period a few years ago in which thousands of tourists and others were seen throwing dead chickens into the loch. There was widespread concern at the time that Avian Flue could kill Nessie as dinosaurs are known to be the ancestors of today’s birds.

Fortunately the chicken craze has dwindled but now something more deadly may be in the water or surrounding areas. We have managed to gain some insight since an anonymous whistle blower contacted Professor Kettle of The Loch Ness Research Project. He said, “we have found a virus and are evaluating its danger to the public. It is believed to have accidentally been released from a research laboratory and travelled to the Loch Ness area on board a Caledonian Canal barge carrying a scientist on holiday”.

“I can’t say more at the moment as this very worrying and matters are progressing fast. People do need to wash their hands regularly”.

Nobody from the Local Contingencies Commission was available for comment at time of going to press.

New App Launched to Track Tick Bites and Lyme Disease in the Highlands and Around Loch Ness

A new App has been launched in the Highlands today to track killer tick bites. These terrifying critters stalk the shores of Loch Ness and the Highlands of Scotland and some of them carry the debilitating Lyme Disease. So far, tick borne encephalitis has not been recorded in a human in the area – just as well as it is widespread in other parts of the world and can be fatal (there is no cure).

The new App will hopefully help fight against Lyme Disease and prevent the deadlier virus ever entering Scotland. Search for LymeApp on your mobile device to download the free tool.

If you suspect yo have an infected tick bite you should see a doctor without delay.

Ticks that may cause Lyme disease are found all over the UK
High-risk areas include grassy and wooded areas in southern England and the Scottish Highlands
To reduce the risk of being bitten, cover your skin, tuck your trousers into your socks, use insect repellent and stick to paths
If you are bitten, remove the tick with fine-tipped tweezers or a tick-removal tool found in chemists
Clean the bite with antiseptic or soap and water
The risk of getting ill is low as only a small number of ticks are infected with the bacteria that cause Lyme disease
You don’t need to do anything else unless you become unwell
You should go to your GP if you’ve been bitten by a tick or visited an area in the past month where infected ticks are found and you get flu-like symptoms or a circular red rash
These symptoms can include feeling hot and shivery, headaches, aching muscles or feeling sick

Source: NHS Choices

Boleskine House, Loch Ness , home of “the most evil man in the world” consumed by the fires of hell itself

The tiny Highland community surrounding Loch Ness was left reeling today as Boleskine House, former home to Satanist Aleistir Crowley (once dubbed “the most evil man in the world”) burned to the ground. The 18th century Grade B listed mansion was also owned by Led Zeppelin member, Jimmy Page, who bought it for its historical connection to Crowley.

Fire crews from Inverness, Foyers, Beauly and Dingwall spent hours battling flames that seemed to rise from the depths of hell itself to overwhelm and engulf the structure, leaving acrid sulfurous fumes so overpowering that emergency personnel had to wear special breathing apparatus just to get near to the site.