Loch Ness clue to exciting new lifeforms discovered in humans

Incredible groundbreaking research into tiny obelisk shaped objects inside the human mouth and gut may have been given a crucial boost by Professor Kettle’s Loch Ness research project.

Loch Ness Biofoul
Human Obelisk Cells in Loch Ness

“We have been investigating prehistoric life forms and monsters in Loch Ness for decades, including the once unknown sulphur vent bottom feeders that live in Edwards Caves far beneath the waves.”

“When I read about this fascinating discovery of very ancient obelisk cells in all of us, it suddenly dawned on me that our loch is a scientific link to the origins of life. We are starting a new quest to track down equivalent cells in our water samples and will produce a detailed report as soon as possible”

Details of the human obelisks can be found here.

Government Denies “Spy” Balloon Taken Down Over Loch Ness

RAF Vulcan bomber destroys Loch Ness Monster balloon
Vulcan Bomber Intercepted Balloon

The world has held its breath as the USA and other Super Powers edge towards conflict over spy balloons and octagonal shaped UFOs (Unidentified Flying Objects) that were seen over nuclear missile silos and Canada.

In a shock new development locals have reported seeing RAF Vulcan Bomber apparently engage and destroy a possibly red coloured balloon over Loch Ness.

A member of the local silent majority, who did not want to be named told us, “I was sleeping in my favourite chair with Channel 4’s Countdown blaring away on the TV. Suddenly my house shook as a super sonic jet screamed through the sky heading towards the loch. I got my binoculars out and saw a balloon deflated, plummeting towards the water”.

Professor Kettle was also out on his Loch Ness Research Project boat taking hydrophone recordings at the beginning of Nessie’s mating season. He expressed concern that the noise would unsettle the famous monster.

“I really want to protest about jets taking down balloons over Loch Ness. We know there is a problem with tourists launching lanterns over the loch but I am assured by the Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board that they have it under control. We don’t need military action in this scientifically sensitive site.”

The balloon is one of many UFOs seen at Loch Ness every year as it is believed to be part of an energy line including the Bermuda Triangle.

Professor Kettle also pointed out that there are suggestions in the American media that the US air force may have spent $1 million shooting down a toy balloon. “The Northern Illinois Bottlecap Balloon Brigade reports that one of its $12 balloons vanished 11th February. This was about the same time President Biden ordered a jet fighter to shoot down a mystery object over Canada’s Yukon Territory”. (You can read more about this in The New York Post).

The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board was unavailable for comment at time of going to press.

Loch Ness vessels maybe stranded by “biofoul” gluing to the hulls

This is a breaking news story. More soon.

“I’m very concerned that we may experience alien marine microorganisms, plants, algae, or small animals attaching themselves to ships’ hulls navigating through the Caledonian Canal, of which Loch Ness is a major part, from the North Sea or the Atlantic ocean”, Professor Kettle of The

Loch Ness Biofoul
Loch Ness Biofoul

Loch Ness Official Research Programme said.

One of the oldest and most highly respected Nessie monster hunters, Professor Kettle has been maintaining a watching brief on the threats of radiation, Covid, bird flu other toxins that are placing the life of our oldest plesiosaur in great danger. He has promised to continue to analyse core samples.

First Nessie Sighting of the Year – caught via our LiveCam AGAIN!

The World has gone mad for it as veteran Loch Ness Monster spotter claims to have captured this year’s first registered webcam sighting of the fabled beast.

Nessie spotted on our Loch Ness Livecam

Hospital clerk Eoin O’Faodhagain (56), from County Donegal in Ireland, captured footage of what he believes was Nessie at 3.26 pm on March 23.

This marks the first great sighting of our resident cryptozoological Loch Ness Monster, Nessie, via our Nessie on The Net Loch Ness LiveCams.

You can read the full story in the Inverness Courier and it’s going global.

Keep believing and and keep hunting for Nessie!

Loch Ness Monster village suffers body blow to eyesore.

Drumnadrochit Brutalist Masterpiece
Drumnadrochit’s Brutalist Masterpiece

It is the news many locals have been dreading ever since the supermarket moved to new premises – the beautiful 1960s building it used to occupy has been dubbed “an eyesore” and will now be demolished.

A spokesperson for The Silent Majority said, “we’re gutted. This old shop has been a real focal point in the village and attracted architectural students from around the world. We even had an offer to Twin it with some fortified military bunkers in The Lebanon, which share a lot of its style and features. Now it’s going to be pulled down in scenes reminiscent of the old village public toilet that was cruelly demolished without ceremony and is now all but forgotten.”

Many Loch Ness Research projects and expeditions have used the fish and chip shop that was also located in the much loved monstrous carbuncle and all of that history will now be lost as well. Professor Kettle said, “it’s just so sad. This building oozes history and it’s loss will be felt right across the Loch Ness and cryptozoological community. I had hoped that a rich investor would step in and save the building but that now looks unlikely”.

Stunning Brutalist Building
Loch Ness Beauty

A local chief said, “we have some plans to make a permanent photographic exhibition of the old shop in the new village car park but it’s all in the early stages at the moment and we would have previously sought funding from The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board (HOST) but they’ve got their own problems now”.

There have been rumours that a lottery is to be held with top prize consisting of the right to press the button on the charges used to raze the carbuncle to the ground. “It’s in the cards but there is still a lot of disagreement about if it’s appropriate and who would get the charity money. One idea is to award it to The Bewildered Trust For Confused Marine Animals or to the UN Yeti Relief Fund (UNYRF).

You can read more about the shocking bomb shell in The Inverness Courier.

Loch Ness Monster village suffers body blow to eyesore.

Drumnadrochit’s Brutalist Masterpiece

It is the news many locals have been dreading ever since the supermarket moved to new premises – the beautiful 1960s building it used to occupy has been dubbed “an eyesore” and will now be demolished.

A spokesperson for The Silent Majority said, “we’re gutted. This old shop has been a real focal point in the village and attracted architectural students from around the world. We even had an offer to Twin it with some fortified military bunkers in The Lebanon, which share a lot of its style and features. Now it’s going to be pulled down in scenes reminiscent of the old village public toilet that was cruelly demolished without ceremony and is now all but forgotten.”

Many Loch Ness Research projects and expeditions have used the fish and chip shop that was also located in the much loved monstrous carbuncle and all of that history will now be lost as well. Professor Kettle said, “it’s just so sad. This building oozes history and it’s loss will be felt right across the Loch Ness and cryptozoological community. I had hoped that a rich investor would step in and save the building but that now looks unlikely”.

Loch Ness Beauty

A local chief said, “we have some plans to make a permanent photographic exhibition of the old shop in the new village car park but it’s all in the early stages at the moment and we would have previously sought funding from The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board (HOST) but they’ve got their own problems now”.

There have been rumours that a lottery is to be held with top prize consisting of the right to press the button on the charges used to raze the carbuncle to the ground. “It’s in the cards but there is still a lot of disagreement about if it’s appropriate and who would get the charity money. One idea is to award it to The Bewildered Trust For Confused Marine Animals or to the UN Yeti Relief Fund (UNYRF).

You can read more about the shocking bomb shell in The Inverness Courier.

Crytozoological Expert Mikko Takala featured in Finnish Media

The world renowned expert behind nearly 30 years of Nessie on the Net in Scotland and The Officially Original Loch Ness Livecams has been carrying out decades of detailed pseudo scientific research of the elusive monster. Now one of Finland’s leading publications, Suomi’s Seura catches up with the fascinating Loch Ness project. Tip: If you open the Seura webpage with Google Chrome and use its built in translator it does a half decent job.

Inverness Ghost Town As Coronavirus COVID19 Rages

Inverness Coronavirus

In scenes from an apocalyptic movie, Scotland’s Capital of the Highlands, Inverness, is now a ghost city. Hardly any people are to be seen. Shops are boarded up and if a man was pulling a cart up the High Street yelling “bring out your dead” was working, it would be like the Great Plague of the 17th century.

Restaurants, takeaways, pubs, theatres, social venues, public gardens – just about everything is closed and tourists, visitors and locals are being told to stay away and stay at home.

“It’s a disaster for the Loch Ness Research Project for Internet Anomalies, Professor Kettle told this paper. “We are doing what we can from self-isolation on our carbon fibre floating hub on Loch Ness but we have been told we must stay anchored well away from the land and have supplies sent to us by boat with social distancing maintained at all times. Obviously, if Nessie became infected then this pandemic could become much worse as the interaction of a novel virus with a Jurassic creature could cause unknown mutations”.